Mental or Physical

As I sit here watching "Survivor", I begin to wonder whether training for an Ironman, like this show, is more mental or physical.

Let me go back about 12 days. I was at about mile 14 or so when my mind begins to questions my body. It is a conversation that I basically have no control over. My mind is asking my my legs what they are doing. My legs tell my mind to shut up and figure a way to get back home in one piece. Legs blame the mind. Mind blames the legs. All I can do is agree with both of them and hope they decide not to give up.

When I finally get to the end of my run (18.1 miles), I still need to walk a mile home. During that time, so many things enter my mind and I begin to question everything I am doing. What am I doing out here? Can I do another Ironman? Can I run a 3:15 marathon? Is any of this worth it? And if it is, why?

Since that long run, I proceeded to hurt my Achilles on my left leg. I am not sure how and when it happened, but running became impossible. Again, adding more doubt. I took a full 7 days off and tried to run again on Tuesday. No luck. One and a half miles from home, my Achilles blew up again. Here I am, in pretty good shape, having to do the walk of shame back home only 1.5 miles from my home. More doubt and more pissed off.

You see, this is the 3rd time this has happened to me a month out from a major race. Last year before my first marathon, I hurt my IT band on my left leg. No running leading up to the race. Before IMLP, other IT band stops me from running again. Now this fall, 3 weeks out from another marathon, my Achilles shuts down my running.

One has to start to wonder whether or not all of this running is healthy for me. It seems when I get beyond a certain distance, things fall apart. Even being in good to great shape, bad things happen to my body. At some point something has got to give.

The new mental debate is whether Ironman is worth putting my body (and family) through this pain again and again. Is this distance just too much? Should I focus on 70.3 races and become a fast as possible? Have I been training too much or does my body need a break? Do I have the desire to go through all of this again with no guarantees?

As you can probably guess, the Bay State Marathon is not going to happen. First, I can't run and haven't run in almost 2 weeks. I purposely did not register early, but when I went to register this week, the race was sold out. Is this a sign?

With Bay State out, the next qualifying event is the Manchester Marathon in November. Manchester was my first ever marathon and it was not enjoyable. But that is 100% up in the air. Of course, I need to get healthy. Second, I need to find adequate time to train smarter. And finally, do I want to do it?

I am sure you can sense my frustration in this entry. I am disappointed. I am frustrated. I am unsure as to what to do next. My well drawn out plans are now up in the air.

I guess time will tell!